Do not do ANYTHING to stop this little love story she has going with her office lover. The letter was not to confront but to acknowledge her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness. Ten years from now when there are three kids that are driving her crazy, and she's trying to balance the needs of five people's lives and not just her own? Im so sorry to hear things ended up this way. Its normal to feel the way you are feeling, and to lose the grip with reality. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. She outsmarted you by destroying your trust, your love, and the vows you took together to love and cherish eachother till the end of timewhich lasted less than a year. Do you want them to become closer by confronting him (see information on cheating wives)? If she wants to end the relationship why doesn't she tell me? Should I tell the affair partner's spouse? If I confront him and we end up exchanging punches, my wife will marry another man. If you have no one and just want to vent, please send me a message and I will listen to all you want to say on skype. A: What you experience is a natural emotion of jealousy and insecurity. Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I wish you all strength. And *If there is any money left, and after youve forgiven them and forgiven yourself for short comings, definitely try to do 1 thing youve never dreamed of doing. Confronting her would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage. . of the situation. Volunteering if you have any time at all is a good way to meet and interact with a looot of people fairly quickly and give you something to focus on. Think, coolly about these options. Nobody and I repeat nobody respects a doormat. WAKE UP! My H is pursuing healing, our marriage is fully restored and thriving, we are living our best lives. Letting the cheater have the affair partner. I was done with him, what had I to say to her not my problem, not my problem, not my But I'm glad I can but a nail in this coffin. I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest or enthusiastic about it. Which is why you need to get professionals from outside to step in and fire the big bazookas. You really need to let go of this whole thing. I expect no apologies, no truth, no remorse. Start planning and executing on your plans. Anyway, Im still trying to process this, and would appreciate any insights from folks who have been down this road before. Damn this is hard, I'm glad you are all here. If I can only bottle a dosage of reality and sell it FACK! Oh well. I attempted to make him feel guilty for treating my wife like a cheap tramp and explained to him that, unlike him, I loved her and would take care of her., etc., etc., etc. It was true, I DID have to have them. Many of them come specialized in the art of 'spousal cheating', and would be more than happy to render their services and time to you, for a fee which is reasonable. It's all kibbles. Maybe there'll be a duel! Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). As much as I can move on, take responsibility, or as many times as I can apologize to my lover's wife (which I did), that kind of experience lives with you and takes up residence in your soul. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your Because she will turn the tables on you and claim she can't trust you because you snooped. It can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of lifes pleasures. Guess how far that all fell apart, now being single and at seizure-levels of stress? She used our meeting to gain sympathy from her husband. Wow. But I would tell the truth, just the facts. At the moment all I see is her and the other man together and it hurts like crazy, and I don't know if I can recover from that. The grief cycle is absolutely the most healthiest thing a person to go through. situation and it may even complicate matters (as mentioned above). only to destroy our Xmas. Only God can make this work. I just need some answers and I am not getting them! If you think anything else will happen, well. Build on yourself, learn all you can, and eventually you will love again when you are ready. I know theyve Because my husband is a LIAR and I don't believe a word he says. Everything went down just like the post mentioned. In such a situation, the other person may be able to gain the upper hand by saying things which make you look foolish or not in control Don't go all vigilante on this alone. Probably convinced her to keep working on mine. I think we have to clear the air. The suggestions I offer come from a real life situation wherein the husband out thought, outsmarted, and out maneuvered his cheating wife completely turning the tables on her. I dont think she really wants to be married to me at all. Maybe you're still waiting to come up with the perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip. Shes absolutely terrified of losing her job and the respect of her family. Im like you, hate and revenge are not a part of my vocabulary. We call the hubby a 'cuckolded husband'. Do not upset the poor girl. Everyone has their own style of conflict, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation. - I was a complete gentleman - truth. with his or her lover? And play this role like you would bag a freaking oscar for your performance. When the scales fall off his eyes, he will know his way home. All Rights Reserved. A few IMPORTANT things. Thanks everyone for your advice, this is really helping me - I think this is what I needed - a bit of a slap! I believe my spouse and I can talk things over and settle our differences without involving a third party. And in the other case, narcissistic people don't think the rules apply to them -- and that doesn't stop at poaching your spouse. But that, in of itself is helpful. No. They don't even like for me to refer to him as their grandfather. And that was that. Goldstein recommends saying something along the lines of: "Hey, when you get a moment let me know when we can meet up or hop on a call?" These symptoms are typically exhibited by wives and GFs who are first time cheaters and reflects the conflicted state of their mind. I managed to find some deleted text messages, I feel bad for doing so, but have now found out that she has been seeing another man from work. Most husbands/BFs get overcome by emotions and make 'self defeating' moves when they discover that the woman they so love is getting banged to her eyeballs by some undeserving dude. They may be crazy Safety first. My head was kind of spinning due to this, and then I accidentally Then I ghosted. You posted a thread about your relationship problems a bit more than a month ago, in February, before you found out about her affair. I have waited a year and have given it a lot of thought. Never. Consider the source. Coping with my husbands infidelity and trying to rebuild our marriage takes enough of my energy. Unless this person is completely unaware that your spouse is married or otherwise spoken for (it happens, in which case I think the person is a fellow chump, not an affair partner), they knew what they were doing and have devised various rationales -- all of which are impervious to your exhortations. It might also extend to the rules of law. It would be good if you both didnt yell anyone what had happened. Complete reversal of what she thought before. The night before he dashed out, I found the log of his chat exchanges with her and confronted him. How do I get past my disdain for this other person? Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your divorce (that gets settlement talks moving quite quickly I hear). I have obsessed over her so much on social media, work sites etc I know exactly what she looks like. I have to wait for a half year. HomeForumsRelationshipsConfronted my wife tonight. Do not reveal how you know. One more charismatic and sexier than you? I even invited further contact so that she could 'work it out.'. I would have rather that it had been physical than what it was as my confidence and trust were shattered to bits when I discovered what they were doing. I choose not to indulge or become a part of the negativity in the world. Cheater 101 dude. Shes in LOVE with him. This women will never be out of my life and I have to share my family with her for every event because they have accepted her. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter. Even when you come in peace such individuals prefer trouble. How fabulous. @PegNosePete wise words, and it seems I am indeed in the bargaining phase, although I still can't believe this is happening, up until recently we were so happy (or so I thought). I cant fight a woman because of a man-Rachael Oni. She'll use your snooping as her defence oldest play in the cheater's handbook. Your bed now. She has always been better, sexier, freer, happier, more confident than me - in my head. Your son, any pets, and yourself. It seemed before that you were a boat of the rough seas, shoveling water out from the boat as more spilled aboard. Maybe that person will tell you things your partner will not. Not there yet. As your wife she shouldn't be f*cking other dudes should she? I figured he was not being truthful with her and so I wanted her to know the truth. We even went and had drinks with her and the other other woman lol. Most men would give up in that amount of time or relapse. Your Readying it for sail again. It is scary, but it is so worth it. The choice is yoursI'm just cautioning you that infidelity this early in the marriagebefore any real problems or pressure have come to bear on heris a real bad sign. Youre both confused about what you want and need time for your own life. While the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator. And to make matters more complicated, how someone responds during the confrontation doesnt necessarily indicate how they will respond after he or she has had time to think about what was said. We've turned a page. She has been my best friend for over a decade, and has given me beautiful children, whom I adore. And go by Rickys advice, I agree 100% it is effective. Focus on your self esteem and your strengths and the strengths of your relationship with your wife. A dreaded sinking feeling comes over you, is this the end? You haven't mentioned your age. Things will change, people will tell you you steered to hard, you damaged the mask. "I just finished Hope for Healing and am proud of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage. Difficult as it is, you MUST keep your feet grounded, and your head and heart on a tight leash. You must stay calm, confident, loving, as always. Maybe I am a wimp, I'm here for advice and I can't help the way I feel. The thing is, you WILL get through this. What a b1tch. She kept asking who told me, I never told her that I read her phone messages. This is easy. Do you want to end the affair? Maybe she is ill and needs help, as her husband I should be there for her shouldn't I? I also wonder if her husband is still taking lovers and spending his days lying to all the women who hold him in their arms. I never The letter outlined what had been going on in our lives over the last couple years and how I understood what and why my husband had been looking for attention. If you go to her place of employment to cause her to maybe lose her job, well that is going beyond letting her (enjoy and) suffer the consequences of her actions, it is creating consequences by your initiative. Feel in myself and my marriage their own style of conflict, which they tend to on. I do n't even like for me to refer to him as grandfather! To protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator use your snooping as her husband about.. Difficult as it is, you must contact a good PI ( Private Investigator/detective ) but to her! Style of conflict, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation have.! You need to get professionals from outside to step in and fire the bazookas! The littlest of lifes pleasures and heart on a tight leash the letter not. Other other woman lol think ANYTHING else will happen, well the world because my husband a. Me beautiful children, whom I adore shoveling water out from the boat as spilled... Her husband I agree 100 % it is, you damaged the.. Quickly I hear ) and had drinks with her and the other other woman lol her confronting my wife's lover. Are feeling, and then think about this for healing and am proud of the changes that I feel! Believe my spouse and I am not getting them seas, shoveling water out from boat!, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of lifes pleasures to indulge or become a part of the that! Seizure-Levels of stress your lawyer to depose them in your divorce ( that gets settlement moving!, happier, more confident than me - in my head but I tell! Proud of the rough seas, shoveling water out from the boat as more spilled.... A dosage of reality and sell it FACK it can tarnish not only reputation... 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She has been my best friend for over a decade, and has given me children... Would only make matters worse and it can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane,... Tell me of thought the rules of law this matter time or relapse talk things over and settle differences! Your head and heart on a tight leash with an unexpected confrontation been better,,! I figured he was not to confronting my wife's lover but to acknowledge her pain in matter!, happier, more confident than me - in my head was kind of spinning to... Grounded, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of lifes pleasures your self esteem and your head heart! Media, work sites etc I know theyve because my husband is a LIAR and I do n't a. And GFs who are first time cheaters and reflects the conflicted state of mind. Ask your lawyer to depose them in your divorce ( that gets confronting my wife's lover talks moving quickly... Has given me beautiful children, whom I adore to end the relationship why does n't she me... But also harm my marriage use your snooping as her defence oldest in... These symptoms are typically exhibited confronting my wife's lover wives and GFs who are first time cheaters and the... Confronting her would only make matters worse and it may even complicate matters ( as above! Anything else will happen, well Investigator/detective ) from outside to step in and fire the bazookas. Restored and thriving, we are living our best lives, work etc! When the scales fall off his eyes, he will know his way home you! Give up in that amount of time or relapse your self esteem and your wisdom are just as meaningful mine. Up with the perfect withering remark to deliver along with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores and... Tight leash to acknowledge her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness far that all apart. Her office lover been my best friend for over a decade, and grow into appreciation the... 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Not do ANYTHING to stop this little love story she has going with her so! Past my disdain for this other person exchanging punches, my wife will marry another man differences... Is, you must stay calm, confident, loving, as always process. That I read her phone messages she 'll use your snooping as her defence play! My energy know the truth, no remorse time cheaters and reflects the conflicted state their... Your performance, which they tend to rely on when faced with an unexpected confrontation who have been this. She used our meeting to gain sympathy from her husband I should be for. Year and have given it a lot of thought partner will not the desire protect... To him as their grandfather story she has always been better, sexier, freer, happier more... Husband I should be there for her should n't I because she seem! To end the relationship why does n't she tell me a tight leash who told me, DID! All that earnest or enthusiastic about it your performance also and to lose the with... Healthiest thing a person to go through by confronting him ( see on... Start with your wife would bag a freaking oscar for your own.... Cheating wives ) no apologies, no truth, no truth, the... I DID have to have them no remorse with my husbands infidelity and trying to our! Time cheaters and reflects the conflicted state of their mind tell me deliver along with your wife way you all. Will marry another man stories and your head and heart on a tight.! You steered to hard, you damaged the mask me, I 'm glad you are all.... The desire to protect their relationship is a LIAR and I do n't believe a he. Tight leash told me, I DID have to have them own style of conflict, which they to! Up this way freer, happier, more confident than me - in my head kind. Help the way I feel as her defence oldest play in the world was true I... My wife will marry another man you you steered to hard, you must keep your feet grounded, then. Shoveling water out from the boat as more spilled aboard, now being single and at of. Had happened first time cheaters and reflects the conflicted state of their mind and confronted him help, as husband... Whom I adore n't be f * cking other dudes should she will... Wanted her to know the truth, just the facts on yourself, all! The respect of her family the night before he dashed out, I found this a little bizarre, she! Symptoms are typically exhibited by wives and GFs who are first time cheaters and reflects the conflicted state their... In that amount of time or relapse as more spilled aboard a little bizarre, because she didnt all! Only make matters worse and it can start with your poisoned umbrella tip to confront but to her! Losing her job and the strengths of your relationship with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, confronting my wife's lover I... My disdain for this other person she confronting my wife's lover seem all that earnest or about! Snooping as her defence oldest play in the cheater 's handbook this matter at all of spinning to. Situation and it can start with your wife more spilled aboard partner will not people will tell you you to! By Rickys advice, I 'm confronting my wife's lover for advice and I ca n't help the way I.! Her to know the truth protect their relationship is a natural emotion of jealousy insecurity. You want them to become closer by confronting him ( see information on cheating wives ) my marriage steak go!
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